Home or bust

Okay, Nic here, attempting my first ever blog. I hope the blogging fairies are with me although the many signs around the UK telling me that 'There is no dog poo fairy', lessen my faith in the existence of said Blogging fairies. Today was Glenn's first day at work and I was responsible for driving the car home so that he could collect his company car; woohoo no more worrying about breakdowns and using THOUSANDS of dollars of petrol for the 5 min trip to Ashby.

So, I have worried myself grey about this journey for a week. If driving the M1 in morning traffic wasn't daunting enough, we've had the worry of the car seat not moving. Yes, once again, we bought a car with electric everything, even heated seats which have come in handy the last couple of weeks as the heater isn't working on my side and in fact blows out cold air instead. We stopped in at a mechanic and were told the cooling system need flushing BUT we risk blowing our head....hmmm.....be cold or...........?????$$$$$$$$


Anyway, the electric car seats are inherently faulty in this model and there is no manual override. There is a Rover website on which owners share info and I found a guy whose seat back was stuck all the way forward which rendered his car completely undriveable and 65 miles to a mechanic ahhhhh the company car!! Yesterday afternoon, having been unable to move the seat more than a smidge, and wondering what the hell we were going to do, I stuck my head under the seat and flipped a white piece of plastic TADA the seat works. Don't know what or why and don't care.

So off to Sheffield we headed in perfectly reasonable traffic and no major problems at all. Glenn says goodbye. I programme the Sat Nav, otherwise known as James, buckle my seat belt and off I go. I can see I have to turn right so I drive until James tells me to turn, only he doesn't and I'm at a dead end. I calmly turn around and wait for my next instruction from James; 'turn right'. Hmm I think, that doesn't make sense when I was supposed to turn right just now, I should be going left shouldn't I? Well I don't know the streets and it's the first time I've driven in England and I decided to trust James; that was my mistake! I take the next right and he suddenly shouts 'recalculating route'. Okay I think, don't know what I did wrong but....keep in mind, that as I wait for him to recalculate, I am on a narrow street with traffic starting to wonder what I'm doing and I have to make a decision on my own; I go straight, just as James says 'take the next right'. 'Bugger' thinks I. 'Recalcuatling route' James says again. 'What do I do' thinks I? I take the next right, given that James clearly wanted me to go that way. 'Recalculating route' he says again.

So now I'm getting a tad agitated and calling James a few choice names other than James. Then I come to a left turn only, so I'm going left. James finally catches up with me and tells me, of course, to go left. Great James, thanks for your help. I turn left and am redirected back the way I've come at a nearby roundabout. I've calmed down and I'm in the right lane for James' next instruction 'Take the next right' I see the right turn approaching and it's a sort of roundabout but it looks like the lane has a straight on only arrow; but james is saying turn right...there's nothing coming...what do I do??? Turn right. Did I break the law? I don't know and I'm past caring! Then James says 'Take the next left then take the first hard right'. Okay, I take the left but.....there is NO right! 'Recalculating route' says James. 'Take the next right' he says in plenty of time so I do as instructed. I should perhaps tell you that at this stage it has taken me 15 minutes to go about a mile. What fun.

Then James tells me 'Take the next left'. Easy peasy, it's a quiet little spot, almost no-one else around, I turn left. 'Take the next left' says James again. I approach the traffic lights at the next left only to find it is a no exit. There is a bicycle lane and for a moment I consider using it...I've had about enough of this but, it's one thing to not be sure you are breaking the law, another thing entirely to do it on purpose and risk running down an unsuspecting cyclist, so I turn around. Now here's the problem, apart from the fact that I am furious and my legs are shaking and I'm going to burst into tears at any moment and there's a good chance I'm going to call Glenn on his first day at work and scream 'I can't get the hell out of Sheffield', but the real problem is that James doesn't know that this is a bicycle lane only, and he is redirecting me to go around the roundabout and come back the same way again........It is now time to redirect James!!!!!!

Then, as my legs got shakier and my eyes welled more and my hand got closer to the phone, I saw a sign; M1 SOUTH. YES! I screamed, I'm saved. I managed to get on the right road, followed it to the M1, got on the M1 without any real hassle apart from looking in my mirror and thinking is that enourmous thundering truck going to crush me like a bug as I entered, because Rover's have the suckiest accelaration ever. I then made the smooth 1 hour drive back to lovely Measham where I immediately had a nervous breakdown...well a peppermint tea and a spot of relaxation therapy anyway. Of course this could all have been a whole lot worse if it had not been a beautiful sunny day, and, it will now be a complete doddle to go to Ashby or Coalville to do the shopping on my own but the real moral of this story is do not trust sat nav's called James!!